He’s My Ex… But Why Do I Still Care So Much?

18F | 19M | 18M

Over a year ago, I started seeing a guy. It was intense and beautiful, and even though it was never officially labeled, the connection felt real. He was my first experience like that after my previous relationship, and he helped me break through an emotional block — which made everything feel deeper for me.

I wanted things to become official, but I pressured him by constantly asking when we were going to define things. He wasn’t ready and didn’t know how to take that step, so he distanced himself and eventually asked for space.

I tried to move on and started a long-distance relationship, thinking I had already let him go — but I realized my feelings were still there, so I ended it.

Months later, he came back saying he missed me and admitted he made mistakes. We talked for a bit and even planned to meet, but it didn’t happen. That situation frustrated me and made me more guarded. Shortly after, I started getting closer to my current partner.

With my current boyfriend, everything moved very fast. We became serious quickly and have been together for several months. It’s stable, but sometimes I question my feelings because the pace was so fast. I don’t know if I love him as intensely as I loved my ex — or if I just didn’t have enough time to process everything properly.

Two weeks ago, my ex sent me a follow request on Instagram just to check in. I messaged him asking why he was reaching out. He said he had nostalgia and wanted to know how I was doing. When I read that, I got nervous because I realized I still felt something.

I told my current partner about it and asked what I should do. He told me to leave the request there without accepting or rejecting it — so I did. A week later, my ex asked if I was ever going to accept him. I told him I wasn’t sure because I have a boyfriend and didn’t want to make my partner uncomfortable.

After talking again with my boyfriend, he said not to accept him. Later, I felt guilty about leaving things unresolved, so I went back and told my partner I wanted to handle it properly. He said it was okay if I followed my ex, so I sent the request. My ex replied almost immediately, saying I was confusing him and that I wasn’t doing him a favor by making it depend on my boyfriend’s permission. We argued a little, and he left me on read — but he didn’t reject the request.

Now I feel stuck between my present relationship and feelings from my past that never fully disappeared.

So I keep asking myself: Should I break up with my current boyfriend because I’ve lost feelings, take some time alone, and then try again with my ex after a few months — or am I just running back to something from the past instead of fixing what I have now?

**TL;DR : I have feelings for my ex after he reached out again, but I’m currently in a relationship. My relationship moved fast and I’m not sure if I truly lost feelings or if I’m just confused because my ex came back into the picture. Now I’m questioning whether I should break up, take time alone, and possibly try again with my ex, or focus on fixing my current relationship?**