Anyone else worried that they don't actually like their partner and they're just trying to heal their trauma through being with their partner?

idk if anyone else feels like this. But I am also diagnosed with CPTSD from a very twisted home life growing up. I worry that I don't actually like my partner, don't know who he is, and am just trying to relive out old patterns and heal them. And that if I don't love him for exactly who he is then I am a lesbian lol