AITAH for leaving a girl without saying why during a war

Me M37 she F34 I’ve had a crush on for the better part of fifteen years. We’ve been friends for a very long time — honestly it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

About ten years ago something almost happened between us. We were driving home in a taxi after visiting a friend and ended up kissing. But at the time she had recently come out of a relationship with someone I knew well and respected as a friend plush we were but drunk. We both felt it would be better not to pursue anything and risk making things awkward, so we let it go and stayed friends.

Fast forward to about four months ago. We reconnected on Instagram and started talking again. The conversation picked up immediately and went on nonstop for weeks. It was easy, natural, and fun — like no time had passed between us.

After a few days of talking I suggested we meet up. We did, had a great time, and kept talking every day after that. After a few more meetings we ended up making out and acknowledged that it was actually kind of nice that we were in this situation now and not years earlier — we’re older, hopefully a bit wiser, and maybe better equipped to handle it.

For a while everything felt really good. We were seeing each other regularly, talking daily, and just genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

At one point she even started bringing up future-related topics — things about what life might look like later on. It wasn’t overly serious, but it showed that she was thinking in that direction too.

During one of our last meetings when things were still good, we even joked about moving in together someday. It was said playfully, but it reflected the kind of comfort and connection we had at the time.

Then things started to get complicated.

She began dealing with serious chronic back pain, and on top of that there was stress from work and some family issues. I could see she was going through a lot.

When that happened, I naturally shifted into caretaker mode. I visited her, brought her flowers, checked in on her often, and tried to make sure she knew that if she needed anything I would help. I asked her regularly if there was something she needed because I knew she was in a lot of pain.

At times she also asked me to come over and see her when she wasn’t feeling well, which I did. So in that sense the connection still felt mutual.

At the same time I tried to respect her space. I didn’t push to define the relationship or pressure her about where things were going because I knew she was dealing with a lot physically and emotionally.

Even with everything going on, we were still meeting roughly once a week.

At some point though, our weekend meetings stopped happening because she was staying at her parents’ house. Both of them were sick and she was taking care of them. She seemed under a lot of pressure, so I told her it was completely okay — we could meet another time and she should focus on her parents.

Eventually I realized we hadn’t seen each other for almost a month. That’s when I started wondering if something might be off.

We were still talking every day, but the dynamic had changed. Instead of sharing our days and connecting the way couples usually do, the conversations became more like functional updates.

After our last meeting things got even worse. The communication became less frequent and less personal.

Then came the moment that really broke the momentum.

A few days before Valentine’s Day I asked how she was doing. She told me she was sick and that the back pain was really bad. I suggested that we keep Valentine’s Day completely low pressure — we wouldn’t go out unless she wanted to, and we could just spend the day together at home and keep it relaxed.

She seemed fine with that idea.

The day before Valentine’s she asked me what I wanted. I told her honestly that I just wanted to spend time with her and asked what she wanted. She joked and said “nothing,” and I laughed and said that unfortunately I had already bought her some things and couldn’t return them.

It felt like a normal, light conversation.

But when Valentine’s Day came, she disappeared.

Later she texted me saying she had been really sick, with things like nosebleeds and feeling awful.

That was the moment when I realized something about the dynamic wasn’t working for me anymore. I decided I needed to step back and talk about it. I wanted to have that conversation face-to-face because I didn’t think it was fair to do it over text.

But every time I tried to set up a meeting she postponed without suggesting another date or really explaining what was going on.

Eventually I decided that if we couldn’t meet, I would send her a short message explaining that this dynamic wasn’t really working for me and that I needed to step away.

Then, right before I planned to send that message, the war started.

I live in the Middle East, so everything suddenly became much more serious. When it began I texted her to check if she was okay and asked if she had gone to her parents’ house since they have bunkers.

She replied that she was there.

After that, things went completely quiet. Neither of us reached out again for a while.

Today I sent her a short message asking how she was doing.

She replied sarcastically, basically saying something like “having fun,” with a facepalm emoji.

I decided not to respond to that.

So now I’m left confused.

She never explicitly rejected me, but she also hasn’t shown clearly that she wants me.

At this point I’ve decided not to reach out again And just walk away silently I really like her, and I genuinely believe that the beginning of this had something good in it. But it feels like there may be other things at play — health issues, stress, timing, life — and I’m not sure if I’m seeing the situation clearly. So I wonder if AITAS for just leveling her without explaining myself during a war