Gender dysphoria is driving suspected ARFID into something worse and I'm spiraling hard

So, my diet has always been incredibly narrow, and I was always called a "picky eater." My list of safe foods has always limited, and many are considered junk food, which is how I became overweight in 2020 admist covid lockdowns due to a lack of exercise, and I've struggled with body image since.

Since I realized I was trans (mtf, male to female) it's gotten so much worse. I hate my body so fucking much, and it's made so much distressing by the fact it's the wrong one. I don't think I would be as terrified of weight gain if the weight would go to my thighs and hips instead of my stomach... I also hate how broad my shoulders are, so that only heightens my intense dysphoria further.

Since my therapist suspected I have ARFID, she encouraged me last month to make an appointment with my PCP to get a referral to for a nutritionist or dietician, which I got last month from my PCP but I've yet to schedule an appointment with them. (This was right before I started spiraling)

Since then I've started severely restricting my own food/calorie intake, and sometimes I go days without eating if I can get away with it, and its increasingly common to only eat a single meal a day and just not eat for the rest of those 24 hours (and feeling guilt for that one meal). Especially in the last couple of weeks, aside from my father getting dinner for us, I'm not eating a lot outside of that. I don't get any food when I'm on my college campus either. He hasn't noticed my weight change yet, but I've noticed my arms are noticeably thinner then they were even a couple weeks ago. I don't have a scale in my home so I don't know how much I've lost specifically, which might be both a good and a bad thing.

My insurance won't cover *any* gender affirming care anymore, so I can't get hormone replace therapy. it almost feels like restricting is the only thing I can do, but I don't *want* to be restricting and constantly terrified of weight being deposited in "masculine" locations, it's kind of an involuntary thing. My mental health is seriously suffering, I think about food and restriction constantly, to the point that along with severely worsening depression I might be bordering on passively suicidal again. I saw my therapist recently and while she knows I've been struggling with eating, I haven't been fully transparent and I said it was related to depression (which isn't a complete lie I suppose) because I didn't want her to worry about me.

But I keep feeling like maybe I'm faking the restriction, that I'm somehow 'choosing' to do this and I'm invalidating everyone else that is struggling. To be completely honest, I'm kind of terrified posting here... I thought about posting for over a week but kept feeling like I would be intruding in a space I don't belong. Especially because I'm sort of aware of this possibly being the beginning of a worse ED.

I'm afraid to tell my future dietician about this because it might interfere with a formal ARFID diagnosis, since ARFID's diagnostic criteria is unrelated to body related, I fear my recent spiraling/restriction would impact that, and I don't know if anyone would even be willing to listen to me or if I would get any diagnosis in the first place since the intense restriction is very new, and I (relatively speaking) haven't lost a crazy amount of weight, and I might just be faking it in the first place.

I'm sorry if this post isn't allowed, feel free to delete if that's the case. I just feel way too overwhelmed and not sure what to do.