I (18F) feel like my mom would be happier if my 10-year-old cousin were her daughter instead of me.

My mom is extremely close to her younger brother’s daughter, my 10-year-old cousin. I know it’s normal for aunts to love their nieces, but sometimes it genuinely feels like she treats my cousin more like her daughter than me, her actual child.

These feelings started the day my cousin was born. I was only seven years old then. Before that, life felt simple and happy. I felt loved and carefree. But after she was born, something changed. It suddenly felt like everyone expected me to grow up overnight. Whenever I made normal mistakes for my age, I was called immature, childish, or selfish. I often felt like I was expected to act like an adult while still being a child.

I want to be very clear about something: I don’t blame my cousin. She’s just a kid. None of this is her fault. My feelings are about how the adults around me treated the situation.

My mom spoils her constantly. She buys her expensive gifts, dresses her up beautifully for family events, paints her nails, does her hair and makeup, and treats her like a little princess. Meanwhile, when I was younger and asked for similar things, my mom would act busy, annoyed, or uninterested. One memory that still hurts happened during a large family gathering last year at a wealthy relative’s house. Everyone was dressing up nicely. Most of my clothes were worn out or didn’t fit anymore, so I asked my mom if she could buy me a new outfit for the event. She refused and said I already had enough clothes. In the end, I wore a hoodie and jeans.

Later, I found out my cousin was planning to wear one of her old gowns. But when my mom heard that, she immediately told my aunt and uncle that she would pay for my cousin to get a brand-new gown instead. My cousin showed up in a beautiful new dress while I looked extremely underdressed. People were giving me strange looks and even asking why I looked so casual. I felt embarrassed, small, and honestly humiliated.

It’s not just one incident either. My mom constantly brings my cousin into conversations that have nothing to do with her. If we see a random cute kid outside, she’ll say, “That looks like your cousin.” If we’re watching TV, she’ll say a child actor looks like her. Even when I’m talking about something completely unrelated, she somehow finds a way to bring the conversation back to my cousin. Growing up, I also felt like I was expected to give my things to her.

One of the worst memories happened on my ninth birthday. I had a party with around 15 kids and received a lot of gifts. My aunt and cousin came to the party but didn’t bring anything. Later, my mom gave seven of my birthday presents to my cousin. I didn’t even get a chance to properly see what I had received. That moment broke something in me. After that, birthdays stopped feeling special. Since I turned sixteen, I’ve mostly celebrated quietly with just a few close friends instead of my family.

There have been many smaller moments too. Once a friend brought me a lip gloss from Thailand that I absolutely loved. I used it every day. When my extended family was visiting one day, my mom told everyone that I never used it and that I should give it to my cousin. I refused because it was special to me. My mom slapped me multiple times in front of everyone and called me selfish and ungrateful. After that, she gave me the silent treatment for a week.

The words that hurt the most are something I’ll probably never forget. During an argument, my mom said she wished she had my cousin instead of me because “she is everything that I’m not.” Hearing that from your own mother stays with you.

What hurts even more is that my cousin doesn’t come from a difficult situation. She has loving parents, a comfortable home, and goes to a good private school. She is already loved and supported by many people. Meanwhile, the only people who are supposed to support me unconditionally are my parents, and sometimes it feels like even that isn’t guaranteed.

I know jealousy isn’t a good feeling, and I hate that I feel this way about a child who did nothing wrong. But after years of being compared, overlooked, and made to feel like I matter less, it’s hard not to feel replaced.

Sometimes I genuinely feel like my mom would have been happier if my cousin were her daughter instead of me.

I guess I just needed to finally say this somewhere.