F21 humiliated & bodyshamed for being curvy and I love it

Growing up Ive always been a chubby girl. Not "obese", just have a bit of extra package here and there. Being of east Asian descent, I am used to being compared to k-pop stars who are pretty and skinny, so I have always more or less been self conscious of my body.

I tried dieting many times but I was never able to obtain the ideal body I want to have. To deal with it, I had a recent experience where I asked my partner to humiliate my body. Using terms like "pig slut" or "disgusting big girl" while telling me I'd never be seen as a deserving woman because of my size. Terms like fat and pig are especially triggering since they're things that appear in my negative self talk a lot. I got off to being humiliated and begged to be humiliated even more. We also made me watch the fat on my tummy flap as I was instructed to move around my body in front of mirror and showing my double chin as I used a vibrator on my clit. I really enjoyed the humiliation and will be thinking about it from time to time.