Having a disability and being spiritual

i’m a spiritual person always have been, but sometimes I don’t know how to cope with the fact that there are things in life that you cannot change. Like I have autism and it disables me in so many ways and I’ve always been different and I get mad that I’ve made this way. Like why did I have to be different? I struggle with socializing, myself in general and just being a part of society. I try and put myself out there, but it doesn’t really work. People talk about how autism is a superpower but it’s never been that for me. It’s always been i’ve been different.

My grandma was blind and she had cancer and she was the best woman I’ve ever known and it just makes me so mad that happens in life. She was never able to see the beauty of it. I really try but I get so mad that’s some things. You just can’t change because you’re born with it and that’s just how you are. I tried to accept it but a lot of days I just can’t and it makes me not wanna be here anymore because life‘s already hard plus having a disability is another layer on it. don’t know how to cope most days and get angry that this is and will always be my life. i’m just curious how other people who have a disability, cope, knowing that this is how you are nothing will ever change. I ask the universe every day why it would make me like this or why I would choose to come into a world and be so different