Hey y'all, I saw someone swiping on a dating app the other day and it got me thinking: What would I tell my 29-year-old self, fresh out of a long-term relationship, trying dating apps for the first time, nervous, and hungry for connection?

Admittedly, I'm 40 and in a monogamous relationship, so I've been out of the dating scene for awhile. But I’d give him the advice I'd give to anyone right now: Focus on making more friends IRL. And use dating apps as a tool to connect IRL, not another form of social media. Basically, touch more grass with more people, and the relationship(s) will come. 

This is especially so for men, who tend to [rely on a romantic partner](https://mentalhealth.barchester.com/news/men-more-likely-struggle-emotional-support) for emotional support. Put yourself out there and find your people. Whether you’re a fan of it or not, capitalism makes us isolated, reliant on our partner for emotional support, and focused on work and consumption over community. It’s [hard out there](https://makemenemotionalagain.substack.com/p/can-potlucks-cure-the-male-loneliness). We all need more than one person we can be our full selves with.

What’s dating been like for you? If you have a partner, how do you feel about your friendships? What makes building community hard for you?

Don't let dating app companies commodify your loneliness