I'm depressed and I don't know what to do

Hi guys. I'm kinda feeling depressed I don't know what is happening to me. And I'm in toxic relationship. My boyfriend is . I still with him. He shame me. There's no intimacy. If I talk about sex . Or ask him if I can. He shame me. And make me feel guilty. I never saw a top like that in my entire life. I never saw a top who hate sex in my entire life. And no love. No intimacy. Just toxic relationship.. Make me feel guilty for my sexual desires. Now I think I reach point where I has enough. I lost my emotions. And I lost sexual desires Even though I still love him. I just can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do He's so toxic. Sometimes he do loves bombing and ghosting me. And he always Make me feel guilty for my sexual desires. And I lost hope in relationships. I don't know what to do. I'm depressed bottom.😭🥺