Need help with my relationship/ex

When I was 19, I started this job and met this guy working there. We became close and it happened very fast, we started dating about almost 2 months later. He was perfect, he became my bestfriend and someone i started to truly love. Im the oldest sibling and have always played a mother figure for my siblings and have taken on a lot of responsibilities since i was younger (both of my parents are married and together still). So when me and this person started talking and saying it felt as if someone was finally taking care of me. I didn’t have to do anything, i could be myself, i finally had my person. Usually even in my friendships i wasn’t the main friend, so with him i was the main person. I never truly dated someone before him either. A few months into dating he moved to a different city (only an hour and few minutes away) but we made it work still, i would drive down to see him almost every other day. I also had no friends besides him at this point because he would say that my guys friends only wanted to date me that’s why they were my friends or say that I’m flirting with guys and so i cut off all of my guy friends because i never want my partner to feel insecure and I also only had 1-2 female close friends and I stopped talking to them too (we got into an argument and just aren’t friends anymore but a part of the reason was because my entire attention went into this person and our relationship) again i didn’t mind because he was my bestfriend and I finally had someone who showed me wha truly love was. Then, we would breakup every few months and then get back together, this break wouldn’t be long maybe like 1-2 days at most. Also, we were still at the same job, he was just in a different city until i got a promotion and i started working in his city and seeing him more and working alongside him. There were times where he would say how not good at my job but i didn’t care because i loved him. Well, as time went on we got into this pattern of breaking up and getting back together, we never dated other people or talk to other people until i found out he was texting other girls almost 2 years into our relationship but he blamed it on the fact that he really let himself go since he moved to this city and had no one here (no family or friends but he did still talk to this one friend of his) and that those times he texted those girls it was when he was drunk and they didn’t mean anything and he felt horrible so i forgave him but it started this pattern of one of us talking to another person every few months (he would do it every 3 months, even told a girl he loved her once and i cheated like 2 times and it was all when we were in a bad place and the we finally just focused on each other and suppose the cheating stopped on his end but he would just delete stuff and I wouldn’t know about it, eve delete the messages with his one friend that he was close with) during this entire time I had no friends but him still, then fast forward to this year, we broke up in December of 2025 and then just were friends/situationship, we weren’t seeing other people (or i wasnt) but it still was as if we were dating. During the entire time of us being together he would blame me for him gaining weight or having health issues because i suppose would raise his blood pressure whenever i wanted to talk about my feelings and because sometimes when things hurt me or bother me I can’t move past them. Okay so again we aren together but are acting like a couple still, doing everything a couple does without the label. I even asked him if we could date again and he said no he likes it this way. For the past few weeks he turned really mean to me, would yell at me and say mean things when i would make the smallest mistake and make me cry. But then randomly he was fine again until last week, we got into a disagreement and i stopped talking to him for a day because i needed space (my fault for not communicating i needed space though) well when i cameback the next day and apologized to him he told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore and how his metal heath improved by not talking to me, i texted him paragraphs on paragraphs trying to understand and he just replied with a few word answers and just say he doesn’t want to talk and then he ended up blocking me 2 days after this because he said he was tired of me not respecting him and continuing to message him. This was on Friday morning and then i spent the weekend in agony and tried to understand and again he is my only friend so i had no one to talk to about this and i can’t tell my family. After being blocked he unblocked me on Monday but still no text and i stopped texting him as well but he was the only constant thing on my mind, everything reminds me of him. Until yesterday when i finally texted him and called him but it was about work since we do work together, and the today i called him again because of work and it’s just hard because it feels like he is fine and this is what he wanted and im falling apart and i even texted him a long paragraph today and i feel so ashamed that im begging this person to come back when he clearly doesn’t want me but i don’t know how to stop. Im in therapy and on meds but nothing is helping, i cry everyday and all i think about is him. I have a hard time making friends and i just feel alone and i everything reminds me of him and our memories together. I’m not sure i can ever move on and i just need some advice on what to do because i sent that text today and he blocked me again.