I think I've always kinda hates my siblings. Does that make me a bad person?

To be honest, I don't really know how to put this into words. Since my siblings were born I think sometimes I just sort of resent them a LOT. Like sometimes I care a lot about them and take care of them but other times I just start thinking how my life would be better without them and that I hate them.

I have 3 younger siblings, one is 8, and the other two are 2 and 1 years old. My dad's always at work, he only gets one day off a week and even then, he isn't much help. And my mom is just so annoying. She's constantly shouting and complaining about having so many kids when she's the one who chose to have them. I'm constantly left taking care of them, feeding them, making sure they don't cry, stuff like that. I'm not allowed to go out with my friends or leave the house at all without my parents, they say it's because I'm too 'young' but I think they just want me around to help. My mom is so judgemental, I can never be myself around her. And with my dad it's so awkward. My 2 baby siblings are always crying and my 8 yr old brother is so rude, swearing at me and being aggressive all the time and my mom doesn't do anything about it.

When I was really young, I lived in Bangladesh (my home country) with my mom's side of the family (my mom, grandparents, 2 aunts, 1 uncle). I was conceived accidentally and I once heard my mom telling her friend I was 'unfortunately ' born. My mom's family loved me so much and I haven't seen them since I left Bangladesh. I came to the UK where my dad had lived while building a life here. He visited me 3 times in the 5 years I lived in Bangladesh. And I was told by family members that he mom never allowed him to hold me as a baby. I never even knew he was my father until I came to the UK.

My now 8yr brother and other siblings were born in the UK. My parents took care of them and were there. Sometimes I feel resentful or jealous because of the relationship they have with my parents. My parents don't really talk with my much for anything besides school, I can't ever recall hugging either of my parents. And then I see my siblings playing around with my parents and hugging them and being all comfortable and I get so upset.

Sometimes I just think that if I didn't have siblings, I would be able to be closer with my parents, I could finally have some free time and I could actually hang out with my friends. I don't know, sometimes I wish they were never born and I feel so bad for thinking that.

This was a total vent lol. Sorry.