Is it okay to cry still?

Me (27M) and my ex (26F) were together for 5 years, we were our first everything and even though it was very rocky and tough, we loved each other enormously.

On January of 2025 we both decided it was best to split up, this after months of discussing and talking about what each of us wanted and our respective plans for the future.

We just concluded that we couldn't give what the other one needed anymore and staying together would mean that one of us would have to concede on dealbreakers. So we split up.

We saw each other a couple of times but for the most part we were completely no contact, blocked on all social media.

On July 2025 though, she reached out to me, I was very taken aback as that was the first time I heard from her in 3-4 months, as it turns out her mom had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, stage 2 spreading fast. At the time I was out of the city with my family but when I came back first thing I did was go see her, we chatted for a while, i took her to a nice spot to look at the city and the stars and I just listened to her.

I had already made up my mind during the trip that all i could offer her was my friendship, as I was already working through a lot career and business wise. Unfortunately she said that she couldnt be my friend as we have too many emotions for one another, I agreed and we decided to give our relationship another go, big mistake.

We talked for about 2 weeks, but it became very apparent very quickly that the differences that split us up in January not only were still there but had become even bigger, I was more busy than ever before with my businesses and she needed more from me than ever before due her moms illness.

I quickly realized that even if the ONLY focus in our lives was our relationship and making us work, it would still take months to heal and get to a point where we were both comfortable, obviously with our current lives prioritizing our relationship was just not an option for either of us, so after 2 weeks I had to tell her that I couldnt do it.

This is the most difficult thing I've ever done, looking at how much pain and suffering she was going through, and how much she needed my help but deciding to step away out of my own self love was so difficult.

Its been 7 months since the last time we talked, I feel better, Ive tried focusing on myself, my mental and physical health and I'm genuinely doing great all things considered, I don't regret the decision that I took as I know it was the right call for me but still, I cannot help to look back and miss her so much.

There was a time, for a long time, where she was my everything, my love, my number one fan, my biggest supporter, my best friend, the single most important person in my life and now all of that is gone, all of that is a memory that keeps fading away as time passes, and realizing that all that is over is still so difficult to stomach.

I know that it has gotten easier and it will continue to get easier, but its still so god damn hard.