Love On The Rock

I was swinging with my daughter in my lap. Cursing the day even though it was another beautiful one in Boulder. The weather least on my mind, gratefulness far away. I reached up with one arm, and tried to press the sky away. That wonderful blue sky with wisps of poison clouds wafting away, bound to choke the life out of this rotten place called the Rock. Thats how they looked to me. Far away and deadly.

I had alot of things on my mind. Cravings, art ,Love. What to do when you see a person and you know you’re in love. Someone who could never be with you. Not like it matters. What was done was done. The moment I saw her she broke my heart. It was where I saw her that bothered me so. Also who I was with. And definitely who she was with. I can’t stand the sight of me, let alone be inside this body. Which one is more the addict? The soul or the body? Both cry out for her. (More like roar) I’m confused, betrayed, forlorn.

I swing my baby up into the air, blues eyes twinkling brilliantly. She looks a lot like her mother Xianna. Somewhat like the woman who carried her. She needs me, to go away, my daughter that is. One of those crazy things that God daddy’s and God babies have to do, a bunch of bullshit, but the part that sucks, the part that really sucks is being away from them. Can’t be near each other or shit goes sideways fast. Esspecially with me, all the shit I have to go do. I can’t quite place what it is, but i know it’s bad. Bad enough I know I don’t want my kids, or any kids around me when a bunch of demons come for me. Or a bunch of space worms, zeroed in on me. Don’t want little baby kins right next to me when the stingers come out.

I shudder from the past and continue for the thoughts of the future. I make everything a goddamned mess. I don’t know why the universe picked me. When it comes to fails I’m your guy. Good thing is I got to be in a place where i could game out every event. Trillions of years of experience i’m bound to be correct about something. Right? Nope, not even close. I been everybody and lived their lives and i come back out here and am blown away by the missuse of their own property. Life is such a gift it’s hard to see anyone abuse it. Even in a god forsaken place like the Rock.

Anyways, all this high minded shit only lasts as long as you see a pair of tits and few of those ‘rare

lines, a smoky vioce and some dumb shit to say. The whole God thing goes out the window. There I am, Ten Year old Timmy with the wall of everything in my way. A ghost of a conscience, a waif of Love, and a whole hell of a lot of rage. Keep the rage, it’s better than dispair. Better than that crazy lonely confused soffocating place. Where evil words you don’t understand take things from you you didn’t know existed.

Out there in the nothingness, there is no love, only want and romance. The fantasy. The grip. That pain train barring down on you like you were all the tracks in the universe layered in on one single guy. Can someone like me love effectively. I know i can fuck effectively. But that can’t be the only card I bring to the table.. I need time, and I need distance. I will learn to be loving again. I might fail but Imma try. I know one thing, if I get her for even one second, I’m never gonna fuck that up. Farther then my mind seems to be from this place I’m trapped in. Some people call it home, I call it a hell made for me and hot girls. Good thing we got the CAR. Our thing. Until the end we will never follow.

Water smashed like stones upon my eyes

Demon waiting for it’s no surprise

Gimme the hard place

Gimme the hard place

Ra went down thought him a nasty trick

Should have been his ass on that burning spit

Gimme the hard place

Gimme the hard place

Now the really dark cloud comes. Was that her in the post or not? My brain feels like it is going to seize, again. Stupid shitty ass meat bag body. I can’t wait to feel my Soul in a legit TME. Then all my frickin problems would be solved. She probably just as sick of this place as me. We should just do it together. One, two, three sianara suckers, and blast of to kingdom come. Where ever a creative God like me should want to fill his head with. Harder than the pounding she’s gonna get here soon.

I have been the broken not the smashed

I have seen a party unlike a soul who’s passed

I remember dreams of feasts the Will would laugh

Gimme the hard place

Gimme the hard place

Only I know fates which have no end

Pain bends the mind but thank the One it cannot stand

Running memory like a file in fiery ash

Gimme the hard place

Gimme the hard place

Never forget where you been Timmy never.