I don't know how I feel about Islam anymore

I'm a younger gentleman and I have not been able to fall into peace with Islam.

My mother forces Islam on me and my sister, which is fair, but I am not one of Allah's swt good followers. I just find it so hard, as a person, to exist, and now I have familial stress (not just my mom ofc, everyone in my family other than very select few) on top of that and school. My mom is already (astigfurallah for saying this but) mental, for lack of a better term. She is nice to everyone but me and my older sibling and it really is driving us away, especially when I would rather jump out of a car than sist in a room with my mother. I almost had a breakdown from hearing her move.

I love what Islam can stand for and the beauty's that only the Quran can highlight, but I also don't think that it is my time too pursue Islam. It can also be that I am just a spoiled brat if sorts and this is normal and I should stop complaining. It felt really important and I just can't shake it off, I can feel the hairs on my face grow longer. I can barely get out of this depression and Islam is on my mind, yet, it feels like I'm pulling a train. I just can't do it. It's either her or Islam, one has to go. That sounds very bad, and I love my mother(when she isn't scary)from here to junnah, but I don't feel safe with her or anyone else for that matter, and that goes for even some of the community.

And my father. Good man but I feel he only follows Islam to look cool in front of his friends. I'm young, and legally unable to work, and he would get mad when I didn't want to work retail (when I was asking for bare minimum 5 dollars an hour or day)with him. I just can't, he forces me into things that I can't handle.

My sister is suffering from both of them. Worse than me. I don't feel safe with any three of them, yet there are so many great Muslims who can do this, but it feels like I'm just a mockery, it feels like Allah swt is using me as an example of what not to be, and I'm not that bad of a person, but not a good Muslim. I wish I didn't exist here.