Worst day of my life, this far.

Hi. I’ve been suffering from infertility since I was 20. I am now 26, nearing 27. I just genuinely don’t know how much more of this I can take.

I finally got answers on “unexplained fertility” which was blocked tubes. Great. Got one flushed out last July. Perfect.

No luck. UNTIL yesterday morning I got my very first strong (but still somewhat faint) positive test. And I’ve have the line eyes. I’ve thought indents could be faint lines. No this one was real. And I for the first time in these last six years felt genuine hope and excitement. Everyone in my life gets pregnant so fucking easy. You just never think that it’s going to be you until you’re the one who has plan and try and test and retest and poke and prod and test again and go to another fucking doctor sobbing on that stupid fucking paper covered bed about how you cannot get pregnant.

This morning I took four tests and they were all negative. Glaringly negative. It was a faulty test. And I have never wanted to crawl in a hole and die more than I do today. My partner was so disappointed. I am so disappointed. I don’t know if I’ll ever get out from under the weight of this fucking crushing heaviness in my heart. I just want a baby. I want to be a mom so bad it kills me. Idk how to keep going on like this I’m just exhausted

I’m not suicidal. I’m just heart broken and tired.

Thanks for reading if you stayed with it this long. Pray for me or send me good vibes. Or just tell me this isn’t going to kill me.. please.