Wrestling with Doubt

Hello Everyone,

I’m currently 18 years old and I started taking my faith seriously 4 years ago during my freshman year of high-school when I was considering taking my own life. Coming into the faith taught me how to forgive people who have wronged me, be level headed, and overall lead with compassion towards others. However, with everything in the world happening lately and seeing all of the evil that is present in the world, I’ve began doubting my faith more seriously than I ever had. I’ve had doubts before, but I sort of brushed them off and kept pushing. Still, this time feels different. I feel like I have a weight on me that just won’t go away. I’ve heard every argument on why suffering in the world happens. “It teaches us lessons, we have free will, God’s plan can’t be understood by humans.” I understand. I just can’t wrap my head around it. If Jesus is all loving and all powerful, why do 3 day old babies die? Why do people starve? Why? Just why. I recently took a look at Gnosticism and it seems like it fills in most of these questions, but it’s so widely rejected by the faith that I would feel like a traitor to my faith. Heck, I already do feel like a traitor to my own faith for even considering that something else might be truth. Does anyone have any advice? And no, I’m not looking for another lecture about Job or another lecture about the things I mentioned earlier. If you have anything, please reach out. God Bless.