My meds are messing with me

I have a history of meds messing with me, making things worse.... im so suicidal I can't see straight. I have an appointment with my psych soon, but im afraid he wont believe me .... idk what to do. Maybe I should really give in and die. Maybe its time to meet my deceased son....

I know people around me will be devastated, but maybe ill see my son and grandma when I die.

Life isn't bad, but fuck I'm not ok..