Is this normal?

These past few weeks I have been feeling super sad, but not the crying kind of sad, just sad. I don’t know why, and I can’t figure out why this is happening. I just feel alone even when I’m not. I feel like I have nobody when there’s somebody. I think about killing myself a lot, probably every day, and I have no idea why. I have friends and family and people who care about me. I have a home and I get a hot plate of food every day. It’s just that when I’m alone right after a party or hanging out, I feel so lonely and so sad. But this also happens when I’m just alone for a long-ish time. I don’t know why. I don’t want to use this word because of all the weird kids on TT using it, but I feel like I’m depressed. I don’t know if that’s something you just say, but I think this is what it feels like. I’m always sad, or maybe not sad — I’m just never happy anymore. Anyway, let me know what I should do or if I’m just weird.