Crushing on Flirty AuDHD Coworker. Effort or Move On?

Hi, I’m a 37F who suspects autism and has CPTSD. I’ve never dated (mostly by choice) and am still a virgin. In the past, I’ve had very strong feelings, but little to no desire to act on them…

Two years ago, a new guy (37M AuDHD, also virgin/never dated) started at work. Coworkers pushed us together, so after fun group hangs, we did one-on-ones. Super flirty and enjoyable; I even thought he’d kiss me once. Feelings hit hard, first time I’ve been sure someone liked me back. I confessed via text (bad timing, he was drunk). He freaked out, said it takes him longer to get there and listed reasons I shouldn’t want to date him (seemed like a soft no, but still unclear to me). We talked sober but he acted like it was very obvious what was saying, so I felt too embarrassed to push, just said let me know if things change.

Fast forward: We’re pretty close. The entire office has thought at some point that we were together. We hung out pretty much every weekend. He has remained incredibly flirty but did pull back a bit after I first told him I had feelings .

But he does keep food and drinks in my fridge, a tv at my house so we can watch movies on the patio at night, his streaming stuff… etc. he randomly buys me things he sees that I like at the store. Decorated for my bday, got me a cake, bought me breakfast and lunch. I could just be reading a friendship as something else.

However, we’ve had big fights ending with me crying and him shaking and storming out. We clearly have trouble communicating but I’d be willing to put in lots of effort to work thru it if it’d be worth it. He does tend to think he’s always right and that I never remember things I tell him (not the case). There are narcissistic tendencies that I’m not sure we can bulldoze thru…

Unfortunately, I’m in love with him and so attracted to him. I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with someone before this so I hate to just give up and move on. We haven’t discussed dating since that day.

I’ve pulled back a ton because our last few fights slightly crossed some lines and I’m lost. Not sure if I put in the effort to move way forward or just let him drift away.

Thoughts? Could he be into me but not saying (maybe masking or overwhelmed)? Or is it a definite no/friendship? If possible, how would I even approach the subject? Are there communication tips?? I suck at this – advice from fellow NDs appreciated!