I was assaulted and I don't think I can ever report it

This happened quite a few years ago, when I was a senior in high school. I was much higher and drunker than her; we were at a party, and went upstairs because I was tired. She laid down with me in the bed, and I swung my leg over her lap. At the time, I was physically affectionate with my close friends, something she knew we had been best friends since the 8th grade at that point. I'd hang off of them, sit in their laps, share beds, and even throw my legs over my best friend's lap constantly. I thought this was just normal best friend stuff.

Next thing I know, she was on top of me. I remember her saying she wanted to know why all the guys were obsessed with me. I remember waking up at 6 am completely naked. I panicked and wanted to leave. I wanted to go home. She woke up shortly after realizing I was panicking and trying to leave. She got pissed and said I initiated by throwing my legs over her, and it's not rape if we were both minors and drunk, she said I'd get in more trouble for smoking weed and drinking underage. And I shut up, bought her breakfast, and drove her home.

We remained friends for a bit after, when I started to distance myself, she retaliated and attempted to ruin my life.

I didn't report it then, and I don't have any evidence besides my own testimony. I didn't really have any evidence back then since we are both girls.

I also don't want to report it, I don't want my story being picked up by the wrong kind of people and being used as a weapon to justify hate. I want justice, and I want to protect other girls, but I can't. I have nothing to prove my story other than my words, and I don't even remember much of it. I just can't people are going to take one bad apple and spoil the bunch.

I'm no longer physically affectionate with close friends I hesitate to even hug them. I don't really trust people, not even my own boyfriend. He would never hurt me; he's always been so gentle, kind, and patient. He's never pushed me if I say no, just full stop, he says he understands and offers to get water/snacks, and pivots to a new thing.

I just don't trust that the people I'm close to won't hurt me again. I keep thinking they will snap one day and realize I deserve it.

Anyway, sorry, I don't really talk about this much, I'm not even sure if this is the right sub for this, I can't even tell if I'm being too political or irrational.

The people close to me know something happened, but I've never really gone into detail; they've always been supportive of me, even if I've never told the full story. I fear that if I did report it, I would be slut shamed again, my life and reputation would be destroyed again, my close friends/family/partner would turn against me again, and I would become a martyr for a cause I want nothing to do with.