Daughter struggles with her ethnicity and I’m worried?
For a few years now my daughter makes a lot of comments about her race and skin color, along with mine and her fathers. In the past she’s made comments that she wishes she was lighter. My daughter has an African (born and raised there in Ivory Coast) and a white American mother. Born and raised here in America. It’s worth noting that my daughter is already very light considering how dark her dad is. Her hair is closer to white people hair and her eyes are brown along with her hair, but her hair is a medium brown. She still makes comments she wishes she looked different. I worry a lot about my daughter struggling to understand that she is mixed. When she makes comments about wishing to be lighter I do tell her that there’s nothing wrong with being brown. I try to teach her to love herself and she has stopped making comments about her skin color and wishing she looked different (she used to say she wanted blue eyes like mine) but she does say we don’t look alike. A few times she’s also asked me if she was adopted. I know she’s just a child and obviously confused so I try not to take it to heart.
The problem is this started 2-3 years ago and she still seems confused. Earlier today she asked me if she was “African American”. I told her that she is half African and half American but that doesn’t mean she’s African American because African Americans are usually born from parents both born in America. Later on I thought about it more and I’m worried I said the wrong thing. I just worry about her future, I don’t want her to have inner self conflict about it for her whole life like I know many mixed kids do struggle with growing up. Has anyone else struggled with this? What resources helped you?
Posted Mar 6, 2026, 4:12 AM UTC · locked