I am so exhausted

I feel like I've cornered myself with my past mistakes. I find myself at 26 living in a shitty one bedroom apartment, busting my fucking ass and destroying my body as a delivery driver, spending like 75% of the money I make on bills.

My parents fucked off and moved to another country. I have no savings. I have absolutely no safety net. I have thousands in medical debt, multiple maxed out credit cards in collections from times I needed groceries, and a credit score in the 500s.

I am living in the city I grew up in and I can't afford fucking anything. I can hardly afford groceries. I've been living this for a year after a breakup with someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my days with. And that relationship cost me my best friend. Her (my best friend)'s family had taken me under their wing. They had nearly considered me a son. I ghosted her when everything went to shit because I had a jealous girlfriend I was madly in love with and I didn't have the balls to defend myself and couldn't get her to see we were just friends. And I miss my soulmate so bad. She moved on quick. I miss her so fucking bad.

All this time with no money, living paycheck to paycheck, in a constant CONSTANT state of fear about finances.. it's all been defined by how much I miss her and love her and I feel so fucking stupid.

I ghosted my therapist when my insurance wouldn't pay for his new practice. I'd been seeing him for years.

I can't fucking afford anything. I have a renewal proposition and I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do. I've been looking for a new place for months. Its so rough here. I can't fucking find a place because I am also living with my border collie/heeler mix dog and she's incredibly high maintenance and no where I can afford and have roommates wants pets. No one who doesn't know me will take on the guy they don't know with terrible credit, a high maintenance dog.

I don't even have savings for a new security deposit. I literally feel forced to renew the lease continue what I'm doing now. I'm so fucking exhausted. I can't save money. I'm fucked. I have no safety net. I have no fall back. I'm fucked.