I thought life was already bad…

But now I have a broken ankle and a whole mountain of medical bills that will be stacking up in the next month. I am out of work and frankly I just feel like killing myself will be the better option. I’ve lived with suicidal thoughts since I was a pre teen and I’ve been through so fucking much in my life. Physical Abuse from my ex, mental abuse, neglect in childhood, COCSA, etc. I’m so tired of crying and complaining I just want to blow my brains out tbh. And to make it worse my sister constantly tells me to kill myself when I already think of it weekly… I’m so embarrassed I’m even posting this but jfc im so tired of fighting for a life I don’t even want.. I had to watch my mom die slowly of colon cancer for years and it traumatized me in such a way I’ve never recovered from. And right after my ex physically and mentally abused the fuck out of me. I don’t want to make it to my birthday next month. I can’t even afford surgery for my ankle if I need it or MRI’s… there is no point in even fighting anymore.