I (35F) found hidden photos of my partner (30M) with another man and now I’m questioning everything

I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I don’t know who else to talk to about this. I can’t really discuss it with my friends or family.

My partner and I are both in our 30s. We’ve been together for about a year now (officially 7 months). We first met at work in January 2024. From the beginning, there was a really strong connection and a lot of sexual tension between us, but nothing happened at the time.

He left the job in May 2024 because he planned to move to another city. In June 2024 he invited me to his birthday party. That night we ended up passionately kissing, but that was it. After that we messaged back and forth for a while, but we didn’t meet again before he moved away in July 2024, and eventually we stopped talking completely.

Fast forward to April 2025. One random night before going to sleep, he suddenly popped into my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about him that night and the next day, so I decided to message him. Weirdly enough, it turned out I texted him while he was literally on a plane flying back to my city. At the time it felt like fate bringing us back together.

We talked briefly the day he arrived and went on a date the next day. Since then we’ve basically been together. We saw each other 3–4 times a week, went on romantic dates and coffee dates, spent weekends together. Everything felt great, including our sex life. We moved in together in September 2025.

There were no real issues until last weekend. He went to a concert in another city with a friend and was away for three days. The first night he went to a big gay event. We messaged a bit and I called him twice, but he didn’t answer. He said he was out partying. The next day he messaged me around midday but never returned my calls, which made me feel upset and disappointed. I didn’t want to come across as a controlling girlfriend, so I didn’t push it.

When he came home on Monday night, we talked and he apologized. But my intuition kept telling me something wasn’t right. So I did something I’m not proud of. I snooped through his old phone that he keeps in a bag. I’ve always wondered why he keeps it instead of leaving it at home. I checked the photo gallery, Instagram, and the deleted photos, nothing suspicious. But then I checked the hidden folder.

There I found photos of him being given head by a man (taken in October 2024), and photos of the two of them naked together at a waterfall (taken in January 2024). I was completely shocked. I felt sick and almost had a panic attack.

Looking back, there were some things that now seem strange. When we first started dating, he mentioned having a toxic ex but never told me her name. He said this ex showed up at his workplace a few times during the first month after he moved back to the city. My Instagram is public and there are photos of us together, so I asked him for her name just in case she ever tried to contact me. When I asked in April 2025, he said her name was “Maria.” When I asked again two weeks ago, he said “Andrea.” Two different names, which felt really suspicious. I didn’t understand why he would lie, but I let it go.

He also follows a lot of male influencers on Instagram. He told me it was for gym routines and fashion inspiration. He’s very well groomed and takes good care of himself, which I actually liked and thought was normal.

He also has a few gay friends and has gone to a gay nightclub several times where one of his friends works. At one point I jokingly asked him, “Would you ever sleep with a man if someone offered you $2,000?” He said yes, but that he’d be the “active” one. Then he laughed it off and said he was joking and would never sleep with a man. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

He’s never shown obvious signs of being attracted to men, and our sex life has been great although he has mentioned a few times that my oral sex skills could improve. Now knowing that he’s been given head from a man, that comment hits differently.

It also makes me wonder: was the “ex” he talked about actually a man? Another thing he mentioned early in our relationship was that he never told his family about his ex. They didn’t know who she was. I remember wondering why at the time. His family does know about me though, and I’ve spoken with them briefly.

Now I honestly don’t know what to do. Whenever he kisses me, all I can see is the image of him with that other man. As far as I know he hasn’t cheated on me, but I still feel betrayed and distant. I’ve emotionally invested so much into this relationship. I love him. We’ve talked about marriage and our future together.

How do I even bring this up with him? Should I leave now? Or try to talk it through?

Part of me is scared about the future. What if he cheats on me with a man years down the line after we’re married with kids?

I just feel really lost right now.