Feeling conflicted about work and family responsibilities. Advice?

Long read but I love anyone who takes the time to read it and respond. <3

I’m 19 years old and I’m about to start my first job at a fast-food restaurant. I’m actually really excited about it because it will be the first time I’m earning my own money and having some independence. I don’t start college until October, so right now I have a lot of time available to work. My goal with this job is to be able to support myself financially, pay for my own phone bill, buy my own clothes and food, and not have to rely on anyone else for basic things.

The situation at home is a bit complicated and everything on this post isn’t even all of it but i don’t want to put all my business on the internet so this is just a glim of it.

My dad works as a caregiver and the patients he cares for live in our house. They each have their own rooms and everything. My siblings are usually at school and my dad is often out working during the day so I’m typically the one at home to let the patients back into the house when they return from their day program. Because I’m home during the day, I’ve kind of fallen into the role of helping with that even though it’s technically part of my dad’s job.

Over the past few years, my relationship with my dad has been burnt to the ground. He’s very toxic and narcissistic (i feel like this is how most African parents are) This is one of the main reasons that pushed me to get a job was because I want to become independent from him. My dad never thinks he can be in the wrong and i really dislike this about him. Sometimes when he have fights/disagreement, he threatens to turn off the Wi-Fi or stop paying my phone bill (as well as other thing) and situations like that made me realize I don’t want to depend on him financially anymore. I’d rather work and take care of my own expenses (food, phone bill, clothes etc) so that I don’t have to worry about those things being used against me during disagreements.

My original plan was to work around 15 hours a week or even more so I could save as much money as possible before I start college. However, my older sister thinks I should only work about 7 hours a week. She wants me to take a shift from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. so that I’m home when the patients return from their day program and can open the door for them. The problem is that if I limit my work hours like that, I’ll be losing out on money that I could be earning. Also, these patients are part of my dad’s job and responsibility. Any income that comes from that work goes to him, i don’t see a single penny and he’ll often spend it on my little brother by buying him fast foods, so I don’t really understand why I should structure my schedule around responsibilities that I’m not being paid or rewarded for.

Another layer to this situation is the dynamic within my family. My mom passed away from cancer in 2022, so my dad is the only parent in the house now. Even though he is the one taking care of us, I feel like I’m treated much more harshly than my siblings. Maybe because i’m the middle ch and the middle ch always get treated badly idk.

For example, my older sister is 21 and doesn’t know how to cook and he doesn’t expect her to learn how to cook or help out in the kitche, but when it comes to me, he gives me lectures about how i’m a woman and i should know how to cook for future husband and kids. He expects me to assist him whenever he cooks, and when we are finish cooking, my lazy siblings will come downstairs to eat and after everyone eats, I’m usually the one cleaning up and dishing out the foods. I hate it.

My younger brother is 15 and spends most of his time playing video games, and he isn’t expected to help with household chores either even though he could easily help with things like sweeping or mopping. My dad still babies him even though he’s 5’10 and is capable of taking care of himself. Sometimes when hes hungry, my dad will tell me to go make him foo, and of course i tell him that he has legs and hands so he can do it himself. My dad in return gives me a attiude because i don’t want to cook for a 15 year old. Bffr.

I’m carrying a lot of responsibilities at home while my siblings don’t have the same expectations placed on them. Last month I texted a long paragraph explaining how it’s unfair he doesn’t expect my siblings to help out with chores, cooking or looking out for the residents and he was very dismissive of my feelings which made me angry. And i realized that its no use talking to him since he’s never going to change or treat me bette.

That’s another reason why getting this job means so much to me, it gives me a way to get out of the toxic environment at house, earn my own money, and start building some independence. However, my sister told me I should reduce my work hours to 7hrs so I can help my dad with letting the patients in, but honestly I don’t want to do that. I feel like this is my chance to focus on myself and my future.

So would choosing to work more hours around 15 or more per week, make me selfish for prioritizing my independence and financial stability instead of helping with my dad’s work? I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s perspectives on this situation and what I should do.