What I really want to say

So basically me and this girl had a tumultuous relationship in college and it ended when college ended and pretty harshly. We went for the same degree and today had an hour long text exchange originally starting with something work related but turned semi personable and we talked about work a bit and said a few kind things. We talked last one five months ago. That was the only contact we’ve had since the breakup and the conversation five months ago felt like closure and I thought this was a story for the past. College was two years ago now.

“Dear M,

I firstly want to apologize again for how we turned out. I feel as though I had met a great person but at the wrong time in my life. I was stupid and couldn’t let you in or cope with existing at the time. You truly deserved better of me and I wish I could have given you everything you deserve. I find myself longing for you often and I’m stuck on the what if’s. I still hope to find a place in my heart for love. The kind of love we had when things were good between us. Losing you in my life is one of my biggest regrets. I wished I could have shown you how much I loved and valued you but I was too jaded and withdrawn.Truthfully I was terrified of getting my heart broken by you from the beginning. I was scared of what my feelings meant and how deeply you impacted me. i made the mistake of thinking you could be loved silently when you deserved bold and beautiful. I wish I could do it again and always express how much you mean to me. We should have lasted so many more years. I guess what I mean to say is I’ll always love you .

T”