Need help and advice

((PART 1 OF 2)) Hello this maybe out of order but I'm trying to put my life into perspective and I need help to figure out what happens next and what I should do next I'm 60 years old now and just want to live like a human being and not like I am now I want a little apartment with someone I love that can really love me back I don't think that's too much task really don't I don't know if there's anyone out there for me or this is what it is for me and I just have to deal with it ......

I was about in my early twenties when this all started I was about 385 lb. When I graduated high school during this time I did not have a job but I had very good credit and I had six credit cards so yeah you guessed it I had to use these credit cards to take care of my family and when my father passed away I had to use my credit cards on his funeral also but he's my father and I would do it again and again because family's family my best friend's father passed away and my father got very sick I will not tell you what my father had but because of his illness I had to stay home and take care of him and my mother I had to be around 24/7 and couldn't leave the house so because of our religion I couldn't use the phone and God I wanted to be there for My friend (M) but because my father's condition I could not leave the house so he got mad at me and I was upset and thought if I talk to him after The way he was at such a young age I thought he beat the hell out of me so yes it was fear and yes we will both stubborn our friend (H) tried countless times to get us back together and I wanted that too but (M) wasn't hearing it and he was still mad about what happened ahead a few years My mother arranged a marriage for me and this girl (HF) because we were both fat about 380 lb. And our parents thought the way we are we'd never find anybody else so why not put them together it started out All good for the most part we got along so what red flags but being so young I didn't see them or no what a red flag was when I am with somebody to me you supposed to take care of them and that was my first mistake I own the co-op and oh yes I put her name on it because if anything happened to me I wanted to make sure she was taken care of. Yes I know at this time the work for me was naive very naive I got my first job in Jamaica Queens New York in a sign shop it was a nice family run business and I was very happy there and the customers loved me but I'm getting off track. Before she moved in I would spend bills during the day and when I got home I would put all my coins and one of those 5 gallon jugs when I finally filled it up to the top all of a sudden I'm finding the level of the coins going down I asked (HF) if she was taking them she said no okay I let it go then as the weeks go on it's getting lower and lower the level of coins again I said are you taking them she said no I knew she was taking them but I didn't argue. I had a checking account and I was paying the bills writing the checks and all that and then one day she said she wanted to help and I said okay I wrote a checks and I thought you know she mail the envelopes and the bills would be paid oh no she was opening up the envelopes taking the checks hiding them in her side dresser and just taking the money out and using the money and the bills weren't getting paid it took me 3 months to find out what was going on with the bills and by then I was 3 months late on all my bills and yes he's in the rent so I stormed out of the house immediately called (HF) mother she said she talked to her but as you guess nothing came of it. After all this I finally had to divorce her I just couldn't take it anymore. what I didn't know her mother was controlling her behind the scenes and telling her what to do i just feel like an idiot but i was so young and naive with that age I know it's no excuse but that's the way it was at that age for me. And yes my stupidity didn't stop there I was too trusting at that age about a year later I met a girl we will call her (LL) her mother and her brothers told me not to marry her that he's psychotic but being in love yes I ignored their advice. I'm married her and yes put her name on my co-op on the day we were going to be married My mother was running late so she started scream and yell curse out my mother and I stood there like an idiot but I did eventually say something but if they're the fact. the S*X was great she was always screaming and yelling at me in my face and mentally she was wearing me down to a point I just did what I had to do keep her happy by this time I had two jobs and working about 70 hours a week. I was making about say 800 a week take home he had this very small little dog that besides working all those hours I also had the responsibility of walking the dog. Her family on this two-story house about a block away from my co-op and in the basement they had lots of closets for all her clothes so let me tell you she had enough clothes to open up a store. But again yes I loved her stupid me and yet I know I let it happen I had one day off for a week from work and on that day she just had to go out and buy clothes which I let happen I know. She spent about $300 on clothes a week for me I had enough clothes and didn't just go out and buy. To me All I wanted was a loving wife a roof over my head food on the table you know a loving family. Yes his piece of S**T got my co-op and divorced me. she had this infatuation with London England she was taking out money to sponsor her trip to London England every year and yes I went but when I got there everyday she was buying clothes and things will try to carry everyday packages in my hands she said to me she loved London England more than she did the USA I should have told her if she liked it so much they're moved there. (LL) Was about 20 years older than me I found out after the divorce she was being controlled by the Spanish man being told what to do Yes she was a gold digger and some kind of prostitute being controlled by the Spanish man Yes from what my friend tells me she still lives in my co-op. I don't hate her I just have pity on her extreme pity but as I see it when she dies she'll get what's coming to her because we all know you can't take it with you and sooner or later what goes around comes around.