Difficult marriage

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and it seems like each year has gotten harder. I’m a convert to Catholicism (I converted after our first daughter was born following a religious awakening) and my husband is an unbaptized agnostic.

His work schedule and load has been especially challenging for us recently as he’s working nights (typically from 10pm to 8am but sometimes well towards 10am) and he’s in the military. You can probably imagine how stressful things have been given the recent developments overseas. We have 3 young children and I care for them at home and follow a preschool curriculum with our two oldest. I’m a very involved mother and we spend a lot of time outdoors, going to daily mass, cooking together and learning. I try my best to keep our house as quiet as possible during the day so my husband can sleep without much interruption. I am constantly thinking of him and trying to make life easier for him. But it all seems to be unappreciated and unnoticed.

Last night I got a grand total of 1.5 hours of sleep as our baby was very fussy from getting his first tooth and cluster feeding. I was sick as well with a headache and sore throat and our two older children came to my bed to sleep because they had nightmares. Everyone was restless and I was up trying to comfort someone throughout the night. When my husband got home earlier than expected at 7am, I asked him to please watch the kids so I could sleep a little. I slept for another two hours and then took over to let him sleep.

By dinner time, I went to our room to wake him up and let him know dinner was ready. We try to eat dinner together as a family each night as that’s really the only time we can spend together during the week with my husband. He snapped at me and told me I wasn’t working 24/7 like him and to let him sleep. I was baffled because that same morning he’d been so effusive about wanting to help me and was adamant he wanted to let me sleep more.

Anyway, a big argument ensued tonight and I’m feeling so demoralized and hurt. I feel like I can’t ask for help from my husband when I truly need it and he sees me as incapable and doing less than him. I feel like he doesn’t see the load I’m carrying *because* of his extreme work hours and lack of involvement in our family life throughout the week. Should I just pray more about this and be less reliant on my husband? In the past I’ve asked my priest for advice and he suggested leaning more on my friends and family because my husband really doesn’t have the spiritual maturity to love self-sacrificially yet. It’s just painful that I am still

expected to do so without any real reciprocation. Ugh. Just feeling very down and upset. Would love advice and encouragement.