Trapped on this earth

I have severe paranoia and social anxiety.

Young adult.

It is hard to go outside without a thousand images in my head of all the people outside hurting me. I often get voices in my head that tell me things. Sometimes I believe myself aligned with god. No diagnosis besides Severe Anxiety/Depression though. Can't go out alone.

No life skills. Not really any friends in real life. People think I am weird, and because I dropped out I have no chances to really make friends anyway.

Never had a job due to everything above. Never had any real-life partnership due to everything above.

I struggle to do anything, I am gross and live in squalor. I only really get substantial joy from cutting myself. This is no way to live, sometimes I wonder if I am even alive

Nobody really takes me seriously on anything. I can say how I am suicidal and it doesn't really change a thing. I can't find anyone on this platform with similar issues (likely due to the nature of paranoia) which just makes me even more lonely. I just want to die. I feel like none of this is recoverable without intense pain in the process. I don't think I would wish this apon anyone. During massive episodes I come close to attempting but I think about death every day anyway. One day I hope to be set free somehow