I feel like shit

Hey guys can i ask for your thoughts on this one?

Okay so I've been talking to this guys i found from a dating app around June last year and we've been close easily even though he's mexican and I'm Filipino. Language wasn't much of a big deal since we both use translator.

During our friendship, i would tell him almost anything from ny life, like also just about random stuff without him asking and he said he's so happy to be my friend because i always tell him those kind of stuff without him asking. So yeah, as i said, we became really close in a small perio of time and when he said that i asked confronted him that maybe he should reciprocate the same gestures too so i coud know him better.

Well when we met on the dating app the name he used was "Luis" later on when i keep calling him name when I'm greeting him or whatever like "thanks luis" or "goodnight luis". He said, stop calling me that, that's not my real name, it's "emir". Which sounded really weird for a Mexican guy to have that name. I was really confused then i asked him his age then he said "does it matter?" I was really confused because we were friends why am i not allowed to know such shallow information about you?

Around july, he told me that he now has a boyfriend which was a really big surprise for me because he would reply really fast to my messages. And yeah, we stopped talking after that because i blocked him when he said "my boyfriend is going to use my account later, if he asks something about us don't tell him"

Okay so during those time we added each other on Twitter because we/i watch porn there. Then it came to October from no contact, i was really bored that day and i have 0 friends irl or even online so sometimes i would just troll on random people and i texted him on Twitter using arabic, and i said "tap the link to see some tits" so he would think that my account was hacked.

After that, we became kinda close again and started talking every day on Twitter because around the last week of September my Instagram got banned from my phone because i would trade some dih a lot lol and also yeah i would troll on people and some would get really furious sometimes. 5 days after talking, he confessed that he and his boyfriend was not on good terms because his boyfriend lied to him that his mom knew about their relationship but a week later he posted some new guy on his story.

So yeah, as a friend i would always comfort him but he would rant to me about the same thing again and again until i snapped and told him "if you don't want to break free from your delusions then you wouldn't be able to be fully mentally stable" i blocked him for a while then unblocked him after 2 weeks then when we started talking again he was low-key over with his ex (i know i was wrong for that but I'm just being honest here so it wouldn't be one sided).So it was just him and me.

So yeah just the same as always, i would show him whatever i do on a daily basis and tell him a single thing that happened because i wanted him to not feel lonely because he always tell me that a lot of people do him "wrong".There are times when I'm really really tired because i enrolled to culinary skill training center(it was a 40 days class) and i would wake up at 3 am because me and my mom are cooking (we're vendors) and i help her cook and i will deliver it to the school cantens before 7 A.M. and i have to make sure i won't be late at 8:30 A.M. to go to the city because that's the time the classes starts and there will be penalties if you have a lot of absences or late. Then classes would sometimes end at 7 pm then, i would rush back to get home to the countryside which takes like an hour of ride to do the same thing again and again.

There was a day when i was really tired of everything i just want pure silence and he was mad because i didn't reply to him in 12 hours. I told him that "how about you get a little entertaining sometimes?". He would only ask me some very common questions every day and he would just wait for me to spill the happenings in my life an i know it because he admitted that he only wants to feel good about himself and he don't want to be ignored. I was really pissed off when he said that because he wouldn't even tell me a single thing about his life. He would only asks me questions like "how are you", "did you eat", "what are you doing", what time is it?". It didn't felt like he asked those things out of concern but just something to say.

Fast forward to NYE, i was celebrating alone because my family were sleeping. I showed him the firecrackers i bought, the spaghetti i made, and when It was 12 midnight i was recording every single time when i lighted those firecracker because he told me i should do it and he wants to see what its like, so i did. After a while, i asked him if i could see what celebrations in mexico looks like but he always have an excuse.

Okay so fast forward to yesterday. I was just really lost, we're almost friends for a yea but i still barely know about him, i don't know his age, i don't know his real name, i don't know how tall he is, i don't know a singlllleeee thing about him. I was just at lost because he keeps teasing me "busy boy" because yeah we're always busy and i was just done and i just said "yeah, see you next week. Or maybe not" then i deactivated my Instagram(i got a new phone lol)"

I just don't know if I'm asking too much or it was a really private thing. I felt like a clown