AITAH for not wanting to spend time with my friend?

I don't usually use reddit, I don't even really know why I'm making this, but I guess I feel crazy and need other opinions.

My friend from college constantly asks to hang out with me, usually at least twice a week, since about the middle of 2025. She isn't a bad person at all, and I used to enjoy hanging out with her, but at one point in the fall of last year she told me it was the "fifth time" I had canceled plans, and that she "understands depression" but that we make time for people we care about. For context, I have been in a very bad state in my life for the entirety of 2025 and so far in 2026, after college I tried to apply for positions, but my depression and social anxiety has made it so bad I avoid even doing that because I know there will be no point of even trying. I'm not sure if she counted the time that my grandma died and I went to her house to be with my mom and say goodbye to her as a time I canceled plans.

I have always been more of an introverted person, but it has been even harder to get myself to spend time with people this past year. My dad passed away last September, and the pain my family and I have been dealing with has been the worst in my life, even after a very dark time I had in college. He was 71, but was very sprightly and didn't have any obvious issues other than diabetes. I don't want to get into it too much, but it was very out of nowhere and a damaging thing for my family to have to watch. I had tried to communicate to my friend beforehand that I usually only feel comfortable hanging out with friends if we can make plans a day or two in advance, because my brain is weird and I feel like I have to "prepare" myself mentally to interact with people, and know that I will be doing something that day so I can be mentally prepared. Despite that, she mostly asks to hang out on the same day, and it has gotten to the point where I feel dread having to text her back, worried that she will bring up a number of times I didn't hang out, and call me names or something. (I had a previous "friend" in college who called me "toxic" and "draining" because I was sad all the time, "too mentally ill" I guess.) It has been about two or three times a week that she will ask to hang out, and I feel at this point that I have to say yes every once in a while out of obligation so she won't get angry or we will have to have a confrontational talk.

I do have other friends that I don't feel this way around. My best friend has told me about times it was frustrating I canceled plans, which I totally understand, and I'm hoping and trying to be better with going through with plans with my friends to not make them feel devalued. I have close friends in a city about an hour away, and most of the time I just miss them and my best friend, and will make plans with at least my best friend every week or other week to hang out, and it seems to always go pretty smoothly.

I don't think my friend from college is an "asshole" (though I do get frustrated and angry that I "have" to hang out with her) I just honestly feel like I can't communicate with her in worries that she won't understand or lash out at me. I sort of just feel out of options, I'm used to being alone and I avoid a lot of people as it is. I don't know what to do, but I do feel bad that I usually dread spending time with her and I don't know how to tell her that. She usually wants to drink and do things that spend money, and I am nowhere financially to be able to afford it. I also have tried to communicate to her that I can't really sleep well at other people's houses, less so my own, and she has said that she misses our sleepovers. I would totally understand that if I didn't deal with insomnia since childhood. I did one time consider driving home from her place at 3/4 AM after a night of drinking because I had been awake in the dark for at least an hour and a half and felt so terrible and like there was no way I could ever fall asleep. It's not her fault I am an insomniac, but that mixed with this weird feeling of hanging out with her I have built up in my head has made things just feel impossible to deal with. I am on medication and have a therapist and someone to help me apply for jobs, and I'm hoping to apply for graduate school this year in a field in Neuroscience.

I know I need to get myself out of the year long slump I'm in, it's no one's responsibility but mine, but if anyone has advice it would be very appreciated. I just simply don't know what to do at this point.