I want to give up.

I am 35 and was diagnosed when I was a teenager. I can't do this anymore. I haven't been able to hold down a job in years and live with my parents. The longest I've ever worked at a job was less than 2 years. I left because I had an episode at work and knew they were going to fire me. I'm heavily medicated because of a series of episodes over the summer and I feel cognitively impaired because of the medication. I don't have any hope of being a productive member of society at this point. I don't know what I will do when my parents are gone. I hate how useless I am. At least with mania I feel good, now I feel like a zombie. I have nightmares every night and wake up every morning and cry because I'm so miserable. I can't even finish my degree. I've dropped out countless times because of this. I'm worthless.