A rant on my nothingness

I am in my mid twenties rn. Up until this time , I have always tried to emotionally uplift my mother and take care of her emotional well being eversince I have started understanding or perceiving things. Used to get heavily bullied actively in primary classes during school & later passively for absolutely nothing. Have been heavily depressed as a child. I could not cope with that feeling of being excluded as a child. That exclusion affected my cognitive ability a lot. Later, I did decent in studies , not extraordinarily well though. In my adolescent years , I tried to be affectionate to my prospective partner( my then classmate , of same age ) but could not get that amount of affection in reciprocation. It didn't click. I have crying spells . My depression swings by frequently. But, the idea of nothing has ever excited me --- money , name , fame , nothing. I only feel bad when my parents fall ill. I take them to the nearest healthcare facility and try to make sure , they get the best treatment. But , no thought makes me feel content , nothing makes me happy or peaceful in my head.