The baby adopted out through LDS social services just found us

I come from a pretty low functioning family (I joke that we were feral children who raised ourselves and that our parents were on the verge of divorce for 50 years).

The closest we really got to being parented was that we were supposed to go to church and church auxiliaries. Of the four kids who survived into adulthood I was the only one who responded to my parents pathetic attempts to enforce any discipline or morality so I was the only child who made it past Primary (or high school for that matter, and I served a mission)

My siblings were all hellions who dropped out of high school, and ended up with criminal records. Fortunately, every one of them has gotten it together and has been out of jail/prison now for years, and all are reasonably functionable adults with jobs who pay their own bills.

My baby sister saw through the church in Elementary School and so she did not respond to my parents pathetic attempts at discipline, but also ended up pregnant at 15 with my oldest nephew (who is an amazing person). At 17 she was date-raped and pregnant again. Feeling like I saw where this was going. I urgently pressured her that she should not keep this baby as she was in no position to provide for one child much less two. My parents and I were still going to church and she ended up adopting the baby out through LDS social services.

Yesterday my sister got a Facebook message from Someone asking if she might possibly be her daughter. It undoubtedly is the child she gave up in 2002

My biological niece is now married and expecting. She grew up in a very Mormon family who homeschooled her so she may also be under socialized but for sure in a different way than we were through neglect. In one of their exchanges, she said, probably very innocently, that she can’t imagine not getting to see her own child that she’s carrying. My sister (who was beyond elated to hear from her) did not know what to say to that.

Her older brother who has been dying to meet her for 25 years is an amazing guy, but also a total pothead. I, who was pretty instrumental in making this adoption happen was a returned missionary, but am now an openly gay man who has been out of the church since not long after she was born. Her little brother born a decade after her seems like he is probably also queer.

I am terrified for how the judgment of this sheltered and under-socialized child might devastate my family who has had so many struggles (and subsequent victories!) and yet in the end found our way into flourishing. My sister and one of my nephews in particular are especially vulnerable to having their hearts broken AGAIN