(I added SS from when me and Jay were tg keep in mind I was young)

I (20F) used to have a very messy situation with a guy I’ll call Jay (26M). We first met when I was around 13 through a mutual friend. At the time I was young and didn’t really understand how strange the age difference and the dynamic were, but looking back now there were a lot of red flags.

For years we had an on-and-off situation that was honestly very toxic. We would break up and get back together constantly, and there was always some kind of drama involved. Jay cheated on me multiple times during those years. He would disappear for long periods, lie about where he was, or talk to other girls behind my back. Every time I tried to move on, he would find a way back into my life and convince me to give him another chance.

Eventually things finally ended for good after he cheated again and got another girl pregnant. That was the moment I realized I needed to completely walk away from the situation and stop letting him back into my life.

However, the history between us is complicated because of something that happened involving another person I trusted.

I had a long-time friend I’ll call T (29M). T and I had known each other for years and grew up around the same circles. Because of that history, I trusted him a lot and never really thought he would put me in a bad situation.

One day T invited me to hang out with him and one of his friends. I had never met the friend before, but since I trusted T I agreed. When I arrived, I realized the friend he had invited was Jay.

At first I assumed it was just going to be a normal hangout. But the situation quickly started to feel strange. T was acting very different than usual and kept trying to control where I sat and what I was doing. I told him multiple times that I was uncomfortable, but he brushed it off.

At one point T started “joking” about paying Jay money to do things to me. I immediately told them I wasn’t okay with that and asked them to stop. Instead of taking me seriously, they laughed and acted like it was funny.

It turned out it wasn’t actually a joke.

T had offered Jay money, and the situation escalated into me being sexually assaulted. I’m not going to go into details because it’s still extremely hard for me to talk about, but none of what happened was consensual.

What hurt the most was realizing that someone I had trusted for years was the person who set the whole situation up in the first place.

After that happened I cut T off completely and told some people in our friend group what happened. I didn’t want anyone else to end up in a situation like that. Many people supported me and also stopped talking to him, although a few people said maybe I shouldn’t have told everyone.

Since then I’ve tried to focus on healing and moving forward with my life.

Recently though, Jay has started showing up around me again and it has made me extremely uncomfortable. One day I was at a McDonald’s with my guy best friend when Jay suddenly showed up. He immediately started confronting me about who I was with and what I was doing.

The situation escalated into an argument and he ended up hitting me in the face. I didn’t have obvious bruising afterward, but my eye was swollen and it really shook me up.

Since then he has been repeatedly messaging me online and trying to get my attention. I have completely stopped responding to him. Instead, I’ve been taking screenshots of everything he sends and saving them in a file in case I ever need evidence later.

I also live in a small town where gun ownership is very common, and Jay does own a gun. Because of that, the situation feels even more intimidating to me. My main goal right now is simply to stay away from him and avoid escalating anything further.

However, some people have told me that ignoring him might make things worse and that I should at least respond to “clear the air.” Personally, I feel like responding would only reopen the door for more problems and give him another way back into my life.

After everything that has already happened between us, I don’t feel safe engaging with him at all. I just want distance and peace.

So AIO for refusing to entertain him and trying to distance myself completely?



AIO for refusing to engage with my ex who keeps contacting and following me after everything that happened between us?