Something happened between me (nb27) and my friend (f22) during my birthday party and now I don’t know what to think about it

Something happened with a friend of mine and now I feel really confused about the whole situation.

For context, I’m 27/NB and she’s 22/F. We met a few years ago through a mutual friend. At the time, I had a huge crush on her. We flirted quite a bit, but nothing ever really happened between us. For a while she was in a relationship with another girl, and eventually I let go of my feelings and had a few relationships of my own, which honestly didn’t end very well.

They eventually broke up, and since then she’s been extremely sad. My friend and I have been trying to support her, but it honestly feels like mission impossible sometimes.

Recently I celebrated my birthday and she was there.

Before the party, the plan was that I would pick her up from her place. That’s what I did, but I had to stop by my place first to get ready.

Lately I’ve started going back to the gym, so physically I can admit that I’m doing much better than before. But that’s not really the point. At one moment I caught her checking me out. I jokingly said, “You know, if you want to stare, you can just ask.” And she replied, “Well… that’s what I’m doing.”

I didn’t react much and just kept it in the back of my mind.

We ended up hanging out on my bed for a bit while waiting for another friend of mine who had come over to get ready with us. We were teasing each other, play-fighting a little. At some point she started talking about things that were weighing on her mind and eventually she started crying on my shoulder because of her ex, like she often does. I tried to comfort her.

At one point I mentioned that recently I had been thinking about someone who might actually be a good match for me.

Later we went to my car and ended up looking at the stars. She knows that I love doing that. She pointed out Orion’s Belt and I told her I see it almost every night. I think that constellation is beautiful and it’s one of my favorites.

After that we went to my birthday party. I was having a great time, my friends were there and everything felt really nice.

Later in the evening we were joking around and ended up having a sort of staring contest. She was only a few centimeters away from me and started singing the lyrics of a song she likes while looking straight into my eyes. The song was “Tic Tac Toe” by the band VOILA.

And suddenly my brain completely froze. I don’t know how to explain it. I could feel my heart beating really fast and I didn’t really understand what was happening to me.

Later we ended up sitting next to each other during a game and we started flirting in English. English isn’t technically my first language, it’s more like my second native language, but I still struggle sometimes when writing.

For a while we flirted a lot. It definitely wasn’t one-sided, it came from both of us. I don’t remember everything we said, but the conversation felt really natural and fun.

There were also a lot of physical interactions. At one point she tried to prove she had strong teeth by biting my arm, and I jokingly did the same back. I actually ended up with a bruise on my arm for a while.

At another moment I showed her that I know how to tie someone up pretty efficiently, and I also demonstrated how I use a knife in a knife play context. Visually it didn’t seem to bother her at all.

Basically the whole evening was like that: teasing, flirting, physical contact.

At some point I felt like my head was going to explode because of the tension. Eventually I grounded myself again because I had to deal with something else during the party, so I stepped away for a bit. Otherwise it honestly felt like both my brain and my heart were about to explode.

Earlier during the evening we had played a game. I was sitting next to her and one of my friends said something I will probably never forgive her for: “Kiss the person you like the most.”

She was sitting between me and my best friend. I could clearly see that she was uncomfortable. In my mind there were only two options: either we let the situation drag on and become awkward, or I just act.

So I kissed her.

Right after that I apologized. I told her I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but I felt like if I didn’t do something the situation would just become awkward for her. I know that moments like that can make her uncomfortable sometimes, so I preferred to act quickly.

She said she understood. I still apologized several times because honestly I never expected something like that to happen.

After the party ended, I just drove her back. She was staying at a friend’s place.

The next morning, while we were driving, I felt like the dynamic between us had changed. At least that’s how it felt to me. And if this is all just in my head, I would rather stop immediately.

So I tried to put the whole thing aside and not think about it too much, even though I still had the mark of her teeth on my arm.

Recently another friend confronted me and told me that apparently I don’t seem to be doing very well emotionally, and that it’s visible because I’ve changed a lot lately, both physically and mentally.

She warned me that I should be careful because this girl is still thinking about her ex and that I shouldn’t develop feelings for her.

I tried to reassure her and told her nothing was going on. But honestly, even I don’t really know what’s happening in my own head right now. My feelings seem to appear, disappear, and come back again.

My friend also told me that I had been flirting with her the entire evening. I answered that it wasn’t one-sided, and she understood that.

But now she tells me I should distance myself because the girl is still thinking about her ex. And honestly… she might not be wrong.

So I feel like I should maybe create some distance and put a kind of emotional filter in place, keeping only what is positive.

But at the same time, I don’t want to suddenly become cold toward her as a friend.

Considering everything that happened that night, I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do. And I don’t even really understand what’s going on in my own head right now.

Can you please help me to understand ?