Porn addiction: what helped me

I'm a 25yo man, I have dealt with porn addiction for a long time, celebrating 1 year without porn today 🎉 I want to share a recap of notes I've accumulated through time to try to help others who are in this situation. 

Here is what helped me:

-If you’re reading this and want to change that’s already a win. The change itself comes from you, others around you can help a lot aswell but the real change comes from you. 

-The urge you feel is not ‘bad’ and you’re not ‘broken’,  you're just human with ancient instincts getting hijacked in a modern world.
This fact here helped: for 300,000 years our ancestors’ brains were wired to chase sex as one of the biggest natural dopamine rewards, because it meant passing on genes and survival of the species. That same reward system gets hijacked by porn. The urge itself isn’t you, it’s just old brain circuitry doing what it was designed to do: seek the biggest possible hit. It doesn’t define who you are. 

-Relapse is not failure, it gives information. When I relapsed, even though I felt guilt/sadness, I tried to be curious and find what was the context that made me do it. When you feel the relapse is close, imagine your future self in the room next to you, know that he believes in you, him and your close ones, know that you’ve already won on the long run. If you do re-lapse, your « future self » next to you is still proud of you for seeing him and for trying.

-Don’t fight the urge, let it build up, peak, and drop off on its own without acting. I try to observe it like a could passing by (easier said than done for sure but with time it’s possiblle)

-Knowledge about yourself and your body/brain is powerful, esepcially in this addiction context. Learning things defintely helped understading where the addiction came from, how it got stronger etc. for example your brain is like playdough (neuroplasticity), each time you managed to calm the urge, that urge weakens over time and your brain slowly learns that it can do without it.

-Write things down to remember, when you manage to resist the urge, write down date/time. If you relapse that’s ok, write down what triggered it. I’ve noticed most of the time the main triggers are: ‘soft porn’ on tiktok/ig reels, stress and moments in life where you lack satisfaction. I also write how it felt physically, my main ones were hearbeat racing and tight chest. Writing these helps to recognize the pattern.

-Basics but really helpful: Drink water, good sleep, get sunlight, shower, walk, deep breathing (Wim Hof 3 rounds breathwork on youtube I recommend)

I hope this can help :)