Can a relationship recover after infidelity with a DA partner? Looking for real experiences

I’m trying to understand whether rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is realistically possible when dismissive-avoidant dynamics are involved.

Some context about us:

I’m 46, my wife is 47. We’ve been together for 25 years and we have two children. For most of our relationship I was probably more on the anxious side and accepted very little emotional intimacy. A few years ago I went through therapy and started changing a lot internally. I became more open about my needs, wanted more emotional closeness, deeper conversations and a more alive sexual connection. I'm physically attractive, I also take care of my body and my mind.

Around the same time my wife seemed to withdraw more and more. She often said things like “I can’t be myself around you” or that my expectations felt overwhelming to her. She has also said that sexual intimacy in the relationship could almost not exist for her anymore.

Recently I discovered that she had an affair. What hurts the most is not only the betrayal itself, but the fact that the intimacy I was asking for in the relationship seemed to go somewhere else.

Right now she says she wants to try to rebuild the marriage and is willing to start individual therapy.

I’m trying to understand a few things, especially from people who identify as dismissive-avoidant or have been in similar dynamics:

• If a DA partner agrees to therapy after an affair, have you seen real change happen?
• Is rebuilding trust realistically possible in this kind of dynamic?
• What does recovery actually look like in the long run?
• How common is it for infidelity to happen again if the underlying avoidant patterns are not fully worked through?

I’m not looking for reassurance or blame. I’m trying to understand what people have actually experienced in real life.

Especially curious about long relationships (15–20+ years) where partners tried to rebuild after betrayal.

Thank you to anyone willing to share honestly.

DISCLAIMER: I'm still in shock so I used AI to help me to structure my thoughts.