Toxic or not???

I don't remember what you did,

but I remember the pain you gave me

I tried

I tried to look from your perspective

I can't

I can't do the things you did to me,

even if I were walking in your shoe

I am hurt

Way too hurt

I want to hate you,

but I really can't

I always want to look from your perspective

I feel guilty

that I am in pain

because of your words

Sometimes I don't know

is it really that bad?

or am I exaggerating?

overreacting?

I am confused,

and

I am hurt

But I can't leave you

I am scared that you can't live without me,

or maybe it's because my pain feels comforting, like home

Small, small things trigger me

I cry myself to sleep on random Tuesdays

because

I remember the pain you gave me

I cannot escape it

And that's my reality