38 - Sometimes fine, sometimes feel like I need hormone support

I feel fucking crazy. Sometimes (early in my cycle) I feel like I don't need any hormone support and my body is fine and working as intended. Then I feel like the "timing" of PMS is weirdly in the middle of the month for me before I hit a honeymoon period, then I get my period...although cycle length varies from 26-40 days.

On months when I would insist that it's going to be a super long cycle and would love to figure out what the hell is going on...NOPE, that's the month it's a perfectly sunny and youthful 28 days (nothing to see here!). If I make an appointment with a doctor when I have night sweats and zero libido and brain fog and I'm sad about my athletic ability being completely garbage and being a regular member of the 3am club and I could SWEAR I have "40 year old shoulder" - NOPE, inevitably by the time the appointment comes around, I feel crazy for even having made it, nothing is wrong, I'm sleeping great, I finally focused on a project, and maybe I just made it all up?

I did see a hormone specialist finally. She prescribed 100mg progesterone, and agreed I could take just 50mg if needed - but honestly? I'm freaked out to even try it because now I feel good enough and I don't want a slew of unmanageable side effects. My testosterone was low, my thyroid was a little off, and my vitamin D was "February in Iowa" wildly bad - so I wanted to fix those through supplementing nutrients first.

Anyone else just sitting on the edge of perimenopause feeling crazy for wanting help half the month and spending the other half the month convinced they need help? Shit it would be so much easier if it was just one or the other.