I keep having dreams about the hijab

hello everyone, I hope you’re all doing well.

I’m doing well except facing one problem again and again.

I’m not a hijabi so I know this isn’t exactly the right place to post, but I think every thought about the hijab is best answered by hijabis themselves.

To me: I am 23 and live in Europe, Germany to be exact. Doesn’t matter though. I have recently converted to Islam, alhamdulillah truly for this. However, I haven’t told anyone. Only one of my friends who lives far away knows. And well, the sisters who have accompanied me through my journey. Not even my family knows.

My family is religious, but they’re Christian catholic. We’re from a country that takes religion very seriously, though my parents haven’t actively practiced it.

Now to the actual “problem”: ever since Ramadan has started, I keep getting dreams about me wearing the hijab. Even visions, when i listen to the Quran on the train. I imagine myself with the hijab. And it saddens me, because I know I’m not ready to wear it. There’s so many things to consider and I cannot risk to lose my friends or family. Not yet, I’m just not ready. But what to I do? The dreams keep happening and I wake up feeling so so saddened.

Has anyone else ever have this fear of it? The fear of not doing well. I thought I should first try to behave better, more modest. Dress more modest.

I consider wearing the hijab out when I meet my Muslim friend - since she lives somewhere where no one knows me. Is this good idea? Or should I just not do it? I don’t know anymore.

How have you started to wear the hijab? Were you guys not scared of the people around you? Or did you grow up in an only Muslim environment …

Should I try to wear it at home? Or not? I just don’t know anymore.