Are my feelings valid - questioning breaking up

Hi

Could use some clarity on some thoughts. My dad recently died a few weeks ago and I'm finding it hard to workout my own feelings about the below.

I (32M) am in a four year relationship with my girlfriend. We currently live together and have for about 3 and a half years.

Since November I've found myself questioning how I felt about the relationship but kept brushing it off to the back of my mind. For about a year and a half, following her own dad's death, my girlfriend has increasingly opted to choose to talk down at me, yell or shout at me when she's frustrated with a bad day leaving me to take the brunt.

I'd told her this was a hard boundary for me and I wouldn't accept this a normal behaviour. It felt like the shouting stopped for a while but she continued with the snapping or talking down. Last summer I told her this needed to stop again and she told me both I'm being too sensitive and she didn't accept how I was feeling being caused by her.

In November during a arguement, which I admit fault to asi distracted her sorting out exam revision papers (whilst she kept repeatedly making a joke noone liked me which felt mean spirited) this turned into full on screaming at me.

Over Christmas we argued where the screaming again returned. In January my dad died and I felt that for a few weeks I was splitting time between being with my mum and sister and my girlfriend

Throughout this time my girlfriend kept making offhand comments I wasn't making any effort for her or putting her first. Examples included not wanting to go to social events in the immediate weeks following my dads death.

I felt opposite to this - A few days after my dad died she was complaining she had started a new job and the travelling left her too tired to travel to see my mum. It is a long journey (4 hours train) so I appreciated this and travelled back to try spend time together but More comments followed on how I'm not putting her first. The next three weeks I made sure to keep planning dates, supporting her and keep things going.

She wanted to see my mum the weekend of valentine's day so I agreed to make her favourite home made meal and flowers. Valentines comes where she spends it with my family (at her insistence due to no other free time in her diary) and she again began making comments on me not doing anything for her because she wasn't taken to a restaurant for dinner. This seemed to come from that her friends went on weekend trips.

We again recently argued about the time I was trying to split between supporting my mum (It had been 6 weeks of my dads death) and being with her. Friends of mine had also asked to see me to support me which she described as "fucking unreasonable" because I should make plans with her first. This led to another arguement were the screaming came again telling me she was over everything.

We made up but for days she was frosty saying she was mad. When I tried to express being frustrated at being screamed at she placed blame onto me. Two days later we were moving furniture when she began snapping and talking down on me. I got frustrated and told her this needs to stop.

I feel like I'm reaching the point where I cant keep being spoken to like this but I feel like my dads death has left me in such a confused state I doubt myself and wonder whether she has been right in not doing enough for her.

whilst she has been great at times in support with my dad dying often she has changed the subject, leaving me feeling like I can't bring up how I'm feeling about it and once said me taking up writing would "stop you being so depressed". I get that she wants me to be happy but this has been comments since the day after my dad died.

My doubts lie heavily though in that she is expecting engagement soon, telling me if It doesn't happen she'll end things. I worry the continued screaming and shouting when she's annoyed about her day is becoming a new normal and engagement will enable her to feel like it can continue.

I feel like I know its not working but how do I get her to take accountability of the screaming which seems to be becoming normal ever since it first happened. Or am I right in thinking it's right to breakup?