My (26M) wife (F26) lied to me about our relationship until after we got married

Ever since I graduated college, for a few years, my mom was trying to set me up with some of the daughters of her church friends, saying "oh my friend at church X has a nice pretty daughter named Y who works as a Z nearby, you should talk to her!"

I had never dated before, I focused on school, fitness, building my circle and network. I craved companionship, but never wanted any "distractions".

Eventually I gave in, I figured that even though I'm not the most religious person, I would still align better with one of these "church girls" rather than some girl from a dating app who likes to party. I never liked to party, I don't drink or smoke, and I never dated before or was intimate. I don't necessarily condone purity culture, but I knew I shared more in common with a church girl than a party girl, given my habits and history.

I eventually met the women I'd end up marrying at 24, and we got married last year at the age of 27. We both also waited until marriage to do it, not because of religion but just because we wanted to avoid ANY risks of pre-marital pregnancy since she was not on BC, and fortunately we enjoyed it after getting married since. That being said, we did everything else besides third base, and we even went to a nurse to get tested in the first year.

While neither of us were perfect people, we learned to communicate well and had very common values. Early on, we talked about what we wanted in a relationship and potential dealbreakers. I made it clear I wanted a relationship built on trust, loyalty, honesty, and similar livelihoods (I don't drink/smoke or party). She (being my girlfriend at the time) agreed with all of the above.

We got married last summer, and around August we went to go visit one of her childhood friends 4 hours away who unfortunately could not attend the wedding. During the visit, we got to talking about ourselves and they chatted about high school/college stories of the past. The friend then mentioned "you dated that one guy for a bit, right?", to which my wife immediately denied and shut down.

On the long ride back home, she randomly broke into tears and told me she needed to tell me something, but she was scared I would leave her and never look at her the same. I reassured her that she can tell me anything. She then told me, in tears, that when she was 21, she had a boyfriend for 10 months. It was a guy she met at some extracurricular club at her community college, they had been friends for a year while participating at the club, and eventually dated.

Somehow her super strict parents allowed it to happen, not because they approved of the guy, but rather because they knew that if they just said no she would build resentment or sneak around. They knew the relationship wouldn't work out, so they let her "date" and breakup so that it would "teach her a lesson", according to her. She also said that her dad (who is religious) made her swear to never tell me about the ex, out of fear that I would reject her. Ironically, her lying to me is what made me feel even worse.

When we started dating years later, I noticed some moments where she was emotionally distant, particularly over text. For starters, she didn't want to do good morning/night messages, because she felt like it would be a lot of pressure. Fast forward to her confession and she admitted it was because she enjoyed doing it with her ex back then, but because he was so distant at times, he wouldn't reciprocate, or would complain if she missed a morning or night. So she decided that she wouldn't do it with me, which I hated because I felt like I missed out. There were other moments too, where she felt like she didn't know if she can have feelings. Obviously that got resolved in the first year after we became intimate, and she said "I love you" first.

After a couple revelations, I realized she lied to the nurse when we went to get tested together the first year as a couple. The nurse asked if she had ever done anything, which she immediately said no. Turns out that she and the ex used to do everything except third base as well. Of course, she lied because I was there and she didn't want me to find out she had a boyfriend before her.

She also nonchalantly brought up how she had an archived chat with her ex. They hasn't spoken well over 2 years prior to us meeting, but she kept it because she's nostalgic and has a hard time letting things go. She said she didn't look back at it often, but it felt like a journal of her first relationship. Clearly, I was unhappy about it, and despite some pushback, I convinced her to delete the archive chat so we can move on just the two of us.

But now, despite both our best efforts to move on, it is tough for me. First, mainly because of the fact that she lied to me all these years. That the day of our wedding, she was still lying to me. Second, I had this illusion that we were both our first everything. First relationship, first kiss, etc. Now that illusion is gone, and I feel horrible thinking I was her first everything, but now I know that's not true.

TL;DR - I know to most it's not a big deal, but that could be because both they and their partners already had some partners before them. I had no one. She was my first, and I wasn't hers. Believing the illusion for all these years, getting married, and only finding out about this recently is horrible.