Sad to join you guys, but thankful y'all are here

Man, what a wild ride February was. Around Feb 5 or 6, I started to feel a dull ache in my left testicle. When it didn't go away after a couple of days, I took time during a shower to feel around. My testicle was much smaller than I remember (but to be fair, I was never in the habit of touching my balls), and there was a mass at the top that hurt much more when I touched it. The background level of pain was a 2, and touching this mass was more like a 6. I immediately worried that this was cancer.

I'm new to my state and don't have a GP or PCP yet, so I went to an urgent care. The doctor there was very sweet and assuring. She performed a physical examination and declared that I have epididymitis. I told her that's a relief because I was worried it was cancer. She assured me it couldn't be cancer, because cancer doesn't hurt. I asked for a referral to a urologist just to be safe, then I went home glad that a few days of antibiotics would relieve my pain and reduce my swelling (the mass).

After 7 days, I felt no better. Not even a little bit. So I went to a different urgent care. The doctor there took a urine sample for testing, but he also assured me this probably wasn't cancer. It could be epididymitis, or it might be a hernia. Either way, I shouldn't worry too much, but seeing a urologist couldn't hurt.

Two days later (this is 9 days after my first urgent care visit), I managed to see a urologist. She had a cancellation and could fit me in that afternoon. I went and explained everything up to this point, and she asked if she could perform an examination. She started with my right testicle, and I said that it felt like nothing; just felt like someone was touching my testicle. Then she began examining my left, and I told her that's where it hurts. I then told her I must have one hell of an infection if the antibiotics weren't helping, but I'm glad the other doctor assured me it wasn't cancer. And the urologist stopped me right there. She said was very worried, actually. That this does feel like cancer. And I would need an ultrasound as soon as possible. That same week. It could not wait.

I got the ultrasound the next day at 3pm, and by 4:30pm the urologist called me back to confirm it was a tumor. She scheduled my surgery for 6 days later. The surgery was a breeze, but I was still a nervous wreck beforehand. I actually cried as they placed the IV. But the drugs the anesthesiologist gave me were top shelf lol!

I'm now 9 days into recovery, and I'm feeling pretty good. You guys were not kidding about that constipation. The stool softeners helped, but the senna broke the dam. I wasn't sad about losing my tiny, tumorous testicle (it was atrophied to oblivion and probably wasn't producing testosterone anymore), but I did feel some wicked disphoria when I finally got the courage to look at my penis and scrotum. The bruising was insane. That moment was the most disgust I've ever felt about my body. The disphoria has been improving as the bruising abates, but I still might see a therapist to be sure I'm handling things well.

Pathology came back with embryonal carcinoma (95%) and yolk sac tumor (5%), PT1a with no LVI detected and the tumor measuring 13mm. My pre-op blood work came back negative for cancer markers. I still need to get a post-op blood test and CT scan, but I'm hopeful that I can get by on surveillance. I quit smoking 7 years ago, and I worry about the risk of lung damage and heart disease that comes with BEP. I'll get the chemo if the CT shows spreading, but for the moment my urologist (who has expertise in urological oncology) is feeling confident that we caught this early.

It's crazy that a month ago, I was a healthy 40 year old (if just a bit overweight). Now I'm a cancer patient. I appreciate all the posts you guys have made over the years. I felt less alone and more prepared because of you. It sucks to join your club, but I'm glad to have your company.