Struggling with cutting back as a bartender..

Yall, its been rough. Ive been telling myself for months that im gonna try and get sober for a while. It hasnt really worked out so hell, I'll limit my drinking for a while ...

Ive still been falling out of line with that too though.

I bartend graveyard in New Orleans. There is already a pressure on bartenders to 'join in the fun' but I feel theres a special level of pressure for me dealing with so many other sercive industry people, just getting off shift and already a few drinks deep themselves, some of which I've served for a decade or more. Seaking cranberry juice into a cup or pretending im on antibiotics doesn't work as well as I'd hoped.

Telling them that im trying to take a break or get sober has led to the loss of a few regulars, and a few verbal fights.

I know I should just be more stern and be able to tell them that im not willing to drink with them tonight. But fuck its hard. Especially when my money is dependant on whether or not they view me as 'in the circle'. Drunk service industry are the only people that are really paying the bills right now.

I have been successful in drinking less, not keeping drinks at home, not staying out post-shift but ... fuck. Only so much. I want to do so much better by my body, and I cant seem to get there.