Kink starved..

Hello I'm new here and new to exploring bdsm I general. About two years ago I got my partner into exploring bdsm, d/s stuff in general and impact play. All things I loved /thrived on. But now we've been married for a year and due to various life things/mentalities he hasn't done much bdsm stuff with me aside from a little rough sex here and there. Even the sex has become just. Hey let's have sex. But we only do it in like.. 3 positions and there's little to no forplay...

Basically I haven't been sexual satisfied in.. a while.

It got to the point where it's affecting my mentality. My therapist said I sound find other outlets but nothing compares. I even started nssi(punching my self. Scratching my self. Biting. Pulling my hair. Not in a sexy way. In a mental breakdown way) more often when I feel super low which is stressing my husband out.

I already told him I'm not happy with the sudden sex and lack of kink/bdsm stuff. He said he misses it but everything has just been so stressful.. but its already been over a year now.. He tries to engage with me but.. I feel like he's just trying to placate me. And he never follows up on it.. its disheartening and makes me wanna cry still.

All that to say I've started mentally prepping my self to have to self satisfy..self..Dom or something.. I was even thinking of collating my self, but since we bought that collar together when I moved in with him, it'll feel less like liberation and more like a funeral...

I don't want our marriage to fail. I love him so much.. but I need it. Im craving it so bad. But since I'm using it to feel better neither he nor my therapist like it... I just.. I feel so hopeless and lost.. I don't even remember why I started writing this post..