Toxic relationship with 31M as 23F

Iam married to my cousin at the age of 18. It is an arrange marriage (common in my country India and islam) we both never had a conversation before marriage. I just know him as my cousin.

He (28) is handsome, ambitious, hardworking man. he doesn't have parents. But he achieve everything in his life in short period from the job, business, buying home and everything.

But after my marriage my life is changed a lot in good way.He let me go to anywhere, motivate me to study, and he taught the importance of financial independence.in short he give wings to my life . For some its bare minimum.but it's very rare in islamic india. That's why I glorify it.

After 3rd year our both life is started messing up. But i couldn't give what he wants and he couldn't give what i want.

I slowly realising i want funny, take it easy kinda of husband. He want serious, natured wife.

He always like money, work, achievement. I was like man wait. Slowdown. No need to rish everything.

I feel like He dominate me and shame me. Because He growing but iam stuck in same place. I prepared competitive exam but I couldn't clear it. We don't have baby because I have pcod, our entire family pressure us, and misunderstanding between eachother. I asked questions against him that triggers his male ego. Sometimes he always mention that he gave me education.

We live in same house without speaking to eachother. We even din't have physical relation more than a month.

And iam also not perfect in anything. I am lazy, immature , doesn't care about the future, i always procrastinate. I never been good wife to him.

I know it is toxic relationship. But i couldn't leave him. Because he doesn't have nobody except me. And he did lot to me. But we both know this relationship is not gonna work. But we both think " what will she / he will do,if we divorce"

TLDR : we have 10 years age gap relationship. Its been almost 5 years. We both started loosing our essence of relationship between eachother.