3 year old defiance

Hello dad's, I need advice! I'm a dad to 2 little ones, a boy My son has started a defiance stage and I'm really struggling to cope. Every night at the minute bedtime is a fight, I used to take him to bed every night, and read him storys with funny voices and he'd go off to sleep fine and I'd love that part of our day. Sometimes he'd need coaxing up to bed but it's was never too difficult. Now it's a full on "No!" and attempts to block the door, then once he's in his room, refusing to put a nappy on, refusing to have his teeth brushed, won't lie in bed at all.

My wife has what seems like an infinite amount of patience for him, and despite refusal will turn things in to a game. She'll play and trick him into brushing his teeth, or chase him up the stairs in a race, that kind of thing.

I don't know how to do that. When the "No"s start coming out, I'm able to keep calm, but I feel like it's an impossible task to turn this defiance into something fun. I almost feel like it's rewarding the bad behaviour.

My wife says that I need counseling/therapy because it can make me angry, but I've never done more than raise my voice when he misbehaves. I feel like our parenting styles are so opposing to each other.

Had anyone had a similar experience? Has anyone got any words of wisdom? I'm worried this will permanently effect our relationship.