I have no friends at 26.

I got diagnosed with BPD last May when I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Before all that happened I never realized how much I treated my ex friends as disposable and never appreciated them. I would always replace. I treated them all like shit towards the end and took them for granted and now I have no one. I feel so bad for treating them that way and I’m now paying the price by having no friends, no job, no money, no love, no nothing. They’re successful and I’m suffering the karma I deserve. I was a bad person before and I can’t get rid of the shame that I have and the fear that I will be alone forever.