Not sure what to think w/ brother

TW: Mentions of possible SA? (not sure, but it’s graphic)

So, I (18F) have been pondering over this for a while. I struggle with my emotions and how to process them.

But there was an interaction i had with my brother when I was a child. I think around 7-11 years old, i can’t quite remember. But my brother and I were close even if we argued, and he’s 3 years older than me. He and I loved to play with legos, and to play on our PS4 or Xbox.

He and I struggled with watching our parents fight since they were at the brink of divorce at the time, and things in our household were very unstable. So obviously what was going on affected our moods.

But yes sorry, the interaction. I wanted to play the PS4 since he was playing the whole day, and begged him as he was playing the game. His posture became more deliberate, and he told me that I could play the whole day if I did something for him. It was detailed, but he told me to take off my shirt and place my bare tummy and chest against his bare tummy and chest too. I remember the emotions i felt during this, I felt hesitant and a bit wary and also a bit frustrated and unwilling. But I REALLY wanted to play that game and didn’t know what he was going for. So, I took off my shirt and he raised his up to expose his bare chest and stomach and I crawled on top of him like he said to do, completely ontop, pressing my chest and stomach to his as he breathed more heavier and inspected what we were doing intently, as if he liked it.

After, he allowed me to play for the whole day. But this happened multiple times, each time i felt the same emotions as before. Unwilling, frustrated, hesitant, wary.

I’m not sure if this is classified as SA… and my therapist said he finds it inappropriate but looked on my brother’s perspective mainly since I mentioned my brother is autistic…

To this day, I get really uncomfortable when my brother touches me. He hugs me and I squirm away, he sometimes makes odd comments about my breasts and slaps my ass with a towel “jokingly”

I get really frustrated and pissed off during this and flee from him.

I just don’t know if i’m being over dramatic about this.